"So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.” -Deuteronomy 30:19b-20
When I was five years old, I had a conversation that I remember vividly. Someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. This is a conversation I have had many times with young children. It is always fun to hear their answers. For me, the answer was simple. “I am going to be a teacher. I will try really hard in school and get good grades in high school so I can go to college. Then I will graduate and become a teacher.” My five-year-old self was planning for my future. It was going to be that easy.
Fast forward 20 years. Believe it or not, but it took me that long to realize that the best laid plans (prepared by a five-year-old) are still beyond our control. Sure, I “tried really hard in school.” I earned grades in high school that not only allowed me to graduate in the top 15% of my class, but also made me eligible for a scholarship. I was a full-time student through 5 years of college and graduated with a BA in Elementary Education. There was one thing my childhood self didn’t plan for: the real world.
I was forced to stop, take a step back, stop thinking about my plan, and take off my blinders. I had been so narrowly focused for so long that I was missing out on a lot. Today’s reading from Deuteronomy says “So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.” (30:19b-20)
Choose life.
By obeying HIS voice, not mine.
This is MY life, and the length of MY days.
Luke 9:23-24 says “And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.”
What did I discover when I stopped trying to make my plan work? The life I had chosen was not allowing me to live. By trying to appease a stubborn five-year-old who no longer exists, I was not leaving myself open to experiences. I was not listening to God’s voice.
I found myself in a whole new situation. Finally listening and open to what I was going to hear. Believe me when I say that I had no idea where it was going to take me. The idea of taking up a cross means something different for everybody. For the man who visited my college campus every year while I was there, it meant literally hauling a wooden cross across the United States. For other people, it’s caring for children or an aging family member. For myself and the other YASCers around the world, our cross is friendships and positive relationships with other church organizations around the Anglican Communion. We have taken up our crosses and followed Him across the ocean. By letting go of my own ideas, listening to God, and giving away my former life, I have gained so much more.
{The unofficial CAMS School Photo for 2014. Can you find Heidi?}
I have built a great life in Tanzania, even though I am only here for a short time. I have amazing friends. I get to work with wonderful people. My life is simpler and more complex at the same time. I would like to believe that if my five-year-old self could see me now, she would be proud.
Heidi Galagan is 28 years old and from the Diocese of Wyoming. She is currently teaching at DCT Canon Andrea Mwaka Primary School, International in Dodoma, Tanzania where she enjoys teaching Standard 1 and Standard 4.
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